Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
