I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize