Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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