its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
