I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
