I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
