So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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