I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Holy shit dude........stairs
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
