Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
