nut hugger
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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