I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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