feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
These tits shall not be calmed
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
