I could make wine with my vomit
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Randomize
