I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
