Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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