made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
