I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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