You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
