he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
