just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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