okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You ruined the universe
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
