the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize