So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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