just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize