My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
