Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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