if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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