ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
