A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
