I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
