I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We're too hungover to prance.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize