He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
