last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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