he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
