He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
