i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
