apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
