I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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