Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize