do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
