i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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