You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Is her dick bigger than yours?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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