theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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