every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
sex in a hospital.. check
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize