Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
