She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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