The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
