you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
