dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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