there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
