if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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