I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
