best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
