You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
