We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
