This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
