Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
