Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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