we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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