We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
