and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
