all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
