Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
