i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
