this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
