11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
