You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
