Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
