I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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