Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
