According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize