i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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