After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
