Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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