is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
