I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
