you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
