now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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