Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
