God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
