i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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