so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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