oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
