i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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