he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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