Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize