This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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