I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
