You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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