just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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