I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
