Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
