I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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