i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
