Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
