i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
