THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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