trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I enjoy the company of your penis
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
