Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
we're so committed to being not committed
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
