just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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