i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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