At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
