when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
